Here’s Your Not-Watching-The-Republican-Debate Thread, For Haters And Losers
Tonight at 8 p.m. ET, there is a Republican debate featuring the sloppy seconds, the dirty bathwater left behind by Donald Trump, who will again not be participating. Yes, it’s possible he is convicted and goes to prison before the next election. That doesn’t mean the current Republican Party is run well enough to have some kind of plan in place to stop its frothing man-pig hybrid voters from making him the nominee, then somehow managing to lose by 500 electoral votes.
There is no point to this.
Chris Christie, Ron DeSantis, Nikki Haley, Vivek Ramaswamy, and Tim Scott will debate. Burg Dougwood didn’t qualify.
Mike Pence is no longer in the race, having died of swimmer’s ear, which he received when he saw a bare human boobyknocker, immediately jizzed in his own ear, and forgot to shake his head real good and get it out, even though Mother reminded him. Please send thoughts, prayers and memorial money donations to the people who make Covenant Eyes anti-porn software, who are working very hard to make sure things like this never happen to good Christian men ever again.
Wait, we have just received news that Mike Pence is not dead. He is risen, everyone!
Kristen Welker and Lester Holt are moderating. To make sure the debate is dumbed down enough for MAGA voters, Hugh Hewitt is also participating.
Here is how to watch it, per NBC News. You have options, because it’s a real network! Of course you are not watching it anyway, so fuck eet.
The debate will stream free and live on NBC News NOW, which can be found on NBCNews.com, Peacock and all major streaming platforms.
It will also stream with real-time audio translations on NoticiasTelemundo.com; Noticias Telemundo’s X, Facebook and YouTube accounts; and the Noticias Telemundo mobile app, and it will air live with real-time audio translations in Spanish on cable channel Universo.
The debate will also be available on Sky News services around the world, including Sky News in English and Sky TG24, and through affiliates in the Middle East.
In addition, it will be available in audio through TuneIn. The debate will also re-air on Telemundo at 12 a.m. ET and will be available on demand on Peacock.
Let’s watch “Bluey” instead:
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.